Pumpernickel Bagel Files Discrimination Complaint

After suffering what she claims to be hours of injustice, a pumpernickel bagel has filed a discrimination lawsuit against local bagel shop Breakroom Bagels. "I can hardly begin to describe the unfairness I have witnessed here," she said just before the lunch rush. “All the bagels are separated by color, and they have the nerve to keep us all the way in the back. On the rare occasion a sister gets picked, they have the nerve to cut us open and smear us in whiteface. This place is stuck in the era of Jim Crumb," she said before going on about how only the light-colored bagels get seed coatings. The bagel's lawyer, Johnny Loxran, is best known for winning a case on behalf of smoked salmon, who claimed discrimination from NO SMOKING signs in city parks.