7 Obituary Cliches, Translated

“She had a wonderful sense of humor” = She laughed maniacally whenever she talked about killing her husband.

“A loving father” = He only stopped talking to his gay son for two years.

“Her smile could brighten any room” = She was always smiling because she got Botox in her cheeks.

“An avid jogger” = He looked for any excuse to get away from his wife.

“He would do anything for anybody” = One time he helped me move after I threatened to tell his wife what he really does when he’s ‘going fishing.’

“He would never hurt a fly” = He would never hurt a fly. But wasps? Different story.

“He leaves behind 6 children and 20 grandchildren” = And those are only the ones he knows about!